im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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