i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
