sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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