i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
