she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
