god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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