Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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