Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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