i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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