I want to stick my p in your. b.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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