By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
