I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
