Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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