All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
