Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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