Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
