I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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