Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
