he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
