when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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