new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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