that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
