Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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