I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
