i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
