yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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