Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
