I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
