"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
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Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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