oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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