So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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