those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
