I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
