So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
