Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
