how can u be prego again
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
