using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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