I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
