my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
