Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
