what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
