Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
