All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
