At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
