i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
