that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
