I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize