She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
