I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
