I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
