i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
