I only kidnapped one of them. chill
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
