I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
