I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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