Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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