i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
