did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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