I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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