Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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