so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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