so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
