Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
