I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
