I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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