her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
