textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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