Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
