Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
