his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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