i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
