On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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