a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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