i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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