I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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