She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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