everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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